Yesterday I finished my interview for the upcoming anthology An Honest Lie Volume 3: Justifiable Hypocrisy. The interviewer hit me with a nice mix of both serious and funny questions. My favorite was “Do you consider yourself to be perfect?” I consider my answer to be pretty good, so that should count for something. An Honest Lie Volume 3 will be released later this year, including my story about belief and panic.

Just because I’m still in an interviewing mood, here are some questions I wasn’t asked, along with answers. Feel free to answer them for yourself!

If you were a method of breaking off a romantic relationship, what kind of method would you be?

A note in sky-writing at her family reunion.

When you reach Heaven, what will you say to St Peter?

Did I miss the exit for Lubbock?

If you were a flavor of ice cream that could never exist but should, what would you be?

Satanic Music Videos and Cream

If you were a lame excuse for coming home late, which one would you be?

The dog ate my car.

If you awoke with a cat perched on your chest, what would that cat be thinking?

You can be tolerated, but you sleep like an amateur.

If you were a zombie standing next to another cute zombie, what would your Zombie Pickup Line be?

How about a picnic? I’ve got a toddler crammed in this little basket.

If you were sitting on Santa’s lap and wanted to be remembered next year, what would you say?

I want a bike like you brought me last year, except one that won’t fly apart and break Grandma’s hip.

If you were Santa Claus, what would you do the day after Christmas?

Hit a topless bar with 8 tiny reindeer and 500 $1 bills